Recently I took a snowboarding lesson and I was feeling really nervous since it had been two years since my last time. My stomach was churning, and I was physically and mentally tense.
To give you some insight, for snowboarding, you *ideally* go down the mountain doing “S” shapes by alternating between toe turns and heel turns. I still consider myself a beginner, and before this lesson I had been going down the mountain almost exclusively using the “stopping technique” of having the board be parallel to the mountain and not gaining any speed whatsoever.
We started practicing toe turns and heel turns. To do a toe turn, you have to go against every instinct that your body feels to try and protect you. Your toes and shins are leaning forward as your back faces the bottom of the mountain. You then switch into a heel turn of placing that weight on the heels to ground you into the mountain.
I remember feeling such fear, and contraction in my body and in my mind.
You feel the sensation that you will fall forward, and feel vulnerable from facing the wrong side of the mountain.
And yet, I didn’t fall (that time!).
At first, my body and mind were so tense, then at one point, I changed my mental perspective. I said to myself “I need to let go of this fear, and if I fall then that’s the worst thing that happens. I can’t be afraid”. Perhaps a little bit of madness is involved, considering our brains are wired to have fear to survive.
And in those moments after I released the fear, and let myself do a toe turn, I felt so joyous. Almost like a little kid, when you have no fears and just giddy with excitement. You can’t help but smile. It felt like doing a trust fall with the universe.
I think similarly, in life, you just have to let go of the fear, and let yourself fall into the universe’s arms- not knowing what’s to come, yet so invigorated from the excitement of letting go and letting yourself be free. Sometimes you’ll fall, (and fall I did and will again in the future) but you will always be okay. You just have to remember to get back up.
Love,
The Serene Sol